• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Crunchi Shop
  • Etsy Shop
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • Home
  • About
  • Contact
  • Toxin Free
    • Beauty
    • Cleaning
    • Healthy Eating
    • Healthy Lifestyle
    • Women’s Health
  • Healthy Recipes
    • Gluten Free
    • Dairy Free
    • Desserts
    • Snacks
  • Shop
    • Crunchi Shop
    • Etsy Shop
Simply Sarena

Simply Sarena

Home | Blog | The Universe Failed Me…(Losing My Love at 25 | Part 5)

The Universe Failed Me…(Losing My Love at 25 | Part 5)

Blog

widow, young widow, loss of spouse at young age, loss of spouse, questioning faith, questioning my faith, grief, dealing with grief, life after loss of spouse, my boyfriend died, young love, loss of soulmate, loss of bestfriend, life after death, young widower

2017 was the best year of my life. I had everything going right for me. I had a job that wasn’t my dream job but it wasn’t bad, I was captain of a pro cheer team, and I was in the best relationship I could ever ask for. I was experiencing happiness and joy I never knew existed and was living the life I prayed about since high school.

Let me give a little back story…

In high school I was super insecure. I had severe cystic acne (more on that story here.) I was bullied a lot by a bunch of kids but especially by a girl who was my best friend until our junior year. We had a falling out and she went out of her way to make my life miserable and to get other girls to make my life miserable as well. Guys in high school never failed to let me know that my sister was soooo pretty and I’m not pretty like she is. I HATED school. I went to community college and transferred to GMU. I didn’t live on campus, I commuted and worked after class so I wasn’t involved in school like other kids who lived there. I started trying out for all the pro cheer teams in the area because dancing brought me so much joy (and still does), but with that I always got cut.

In 2017, me and CJ had been together for a while and we had such an amazing relationship. We constantly talked about getting married and right before he passed away, we even decided when and where we would have our wedding. In 2017, I finally made a team (Valor) and not only did I make it, I was captain! I was so strong in my faith in God because my prayers were finally being answered. I was sooo happy!

Everything came crashing down all at once. I lost the life I had always dreamed about. When people say a part of them died too, I always thought it was just an expression…it’s not. A part of me literally died too. My physical body was functioning but my soul may as well have been dead. My life as I knew it died. My future died. CJ and I’s future children and grandchildren died. Heck, they never even had a chance to be born! A different family is adopting our Samoyed dog Ka-Ci. A different couple is buying our dream house. We never had a chance to live our dreams.

This is the first time I truly feel God failed me. Through my rough high school and anti-social college life, I thought for sure God had something greater planned. I clung to that faith because I knew things just had to fall into place. I thought there’s no way God would make me live a miserable life by circumstance. And when I thought I was there and God was looking out for me and had my best interests in mind, he ripped my world out from under me. He took away the person who changed my life for the better and brought me so much joy and happiness.

I know some super strong people cling to their faith in times of tragedy, but I’ve turned from it. I guess I’m not as strong as people think I am. How can I hold on to it when He ruined the rest of my life? It’s not like I’m 70 and don’t have much longer, I just turned 26!  I could have 70 years left in me, who knows. And, can you believe this…a month after CJ passed, when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse and the only thing that kept me going was Valor auditions coming up, I get an email that Valor decided not to have cheerleaders this season.

I’m still adjusting to a new normal I never wanted. It’s not the worst “normal” but it’s definitely not near as good as my life was before. I definitely feel lonelier than I ever have everyday. My friends and family are always there for me but sometimes, especially when I’m feeling really crappy, CJ is the only one I want to talk to. He’s the only one who could make me feel better. No one will ever be able to fill his shoes. He was seriously the best ever.

I’m starting to think life is just one giant nightmare and I’ll really live when I die and I can spend eternity with CJ.

May 6, 2018 · Leave a Comment

Previous Post: « He Should Be Here… (Losing My Love at 25 | Part 4)
Next Post: Sometime You Have to Hit Rock Bottom Before Things Get Better (Losing My Love at 25 | Part 6) »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

HI EVERYONE!

I’m Sarena


I’m a Northern Virginia based Integrative Nutrition Coach, a Toxin Free Lifestyle enthusiast, a dancer, and a dog mom to my sweet girl, Miss Cammie.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Search by Category

simply.sarena

This is my FAVORITE lip combo for the holidays and This is my FAVORITE lip combo for the holidays and it’s toxin free!!!

Products:
Crunchi’s Lip Crayon in Sienna Red
Crunchi’s Lip Oil in Mulberry Mint

Who else loves a berry red lip for the holidays??! 🙋‍♀️🎄💋

.
.
.
.
.
#holidaymakeup #redlips #redlipstick #toxinfreelipstick #nontoxiclipstick #holidaymakeuplook #holidaylips #christmasmakeup #christmasmakeuplook #christmaslips
Yesterday, I was thinking how different my life is Yesterday, I was thinking how different my life is in my early 30’s than it was in my early 20’s.

In my 20’s, 
I was in multiple toxic friendships.

After losing my boyfriend, I spiraled with alcohol.

I spent way too many nights out until 2 or 3am.

Especially in my early 20’s, I was living off of processed food.

I was spending way too much money on stuff.

In my 30’s,

I’ve said goodbye to people that drain my energy.

Tea is my go-to drink.

I’ve been getting up earlier and having relaxing mornings. 

I eat lots of whole, clean foods and haven’t touched fast food for YEARS!

I spend more money on experiences and way less on stuff.

I feel like your 20’s is all about learning who you are, what you’re okay with and not okay with, learning lessons the hard way, and growing into your own person.

Your 30’s is about embracing yourself, being at peace, and doing what makes you happy instead of trying to impress or keep up with others 💕 

.
.
.
.
.
#early20s #early30s #lifelessonslearned #getridoftoxicpeople #getridoftoxicity #growingup #growthmindset #personalgrowth #adulting101 #adultingthoughts
The Konjac Facial Sponge from @cleancircleofficial The Konjac Facial Sponge from @cleancircleofficial is a MUST HAVE in the winter months!

When my face gets dry, it feels sooo good to exfoliate off the dry patches without an abrasive exfoliator. 

The best part is, the Konjac Facial Sponge is completely sustainable and toxin free! It’s biodegradable and you can use it with your favorite cleanser, or just water! 

Use code SARENA15 for 15% off!

.
.
.
.
.
#konjacsponge #gentleexfoliator #exfoliateyourskin #winterskincare #winterskincaretips #dryskincare #dryskincareroutine #dryskinproblems #toxinfreeskincare #sustainableskincare #sustainableskincareproducts #nontoxicskincare #nontoxicskincareproducts
Use code SIMPLYSARENA15 for 15% OFF Fontana candle Use code SIMPLYSARENA15 for 15% OFF Fontana candles! 🕯

These candles are made with beeswax, coconut oil, pure essential oils, and they’re Made Safe Certified! 

Holiday Cheer is for you if you like the more rich, classic holiday scents. It’s a blend of peppermint, fir, and wintergreen essential oils. This one smells very nostalgic to me! 

Christmas Cookie smells EXACTLY like my moms famous Christmas Sugar Cookies with frosting! It’s sweet, but not too sweet, and it’s literally identical to my moms sugar cookies. 

I’m obsessed! Which scent would you try??? 

.
.
.
.
.
#christmascandles #holidaycandles #healthycandles #madesafecertified #holidayscents #christmascookie #holidaydecor #cozyvibes #fontanacandles #nontoxiccandles #toxinfreecandles #christmasvibes🎄 #christmascheer #holidaycheer #candlegifts #christmasgiftideas #holidaygiftideas
These tampon brands might contain organic cotton, These tampon brands might contain organic cotton, but that’s not their only ingredient! 

These companies either don’t fully disclose their ingredients and use code words like “water repellant wax” (okay, what’s in your water repellant wax mam?), or they contain other toxic chemicals along with the organic cotton.

These ingredients they contain include…
❌Polyethylene
❌Polyester
❌Paraffin
❌Titanium Dioxide
❌Polypropylene 

My personal favorite tampon brand is @natracare. The only ingredient in them is 100% organic cotton! And that’s all that should be in your tampons!
BLACK FRIDAY SALES for some of my favorite toxin f BLACK FRIDAY SALES for some of my favorite toxin free brands! 

Check out my story/Black Friday highlight for links! 

.
.
.
.
.
#toxinfreesales #blackfridaysales #toxinfreebeauty #nontoxicsales #nontoxicbeauty #nontoxicbeautyproducts #nontoxicmakeup #toxinfreeliving #blackfridaydeals #cheapnontoxicalternative #cheapbeauty #crunchi #crunchicosmetics #frownies #fontanacandles #laurenbrookecosmetiques #wondercide #toupsandcoorganics #cleancircle
Laser Hair Removal, Part 3! If I had to do it ove Laser Hair Removal, Part 3!

If I had to do it over again, I would definitely just do it at home.

Keep in mind though, everyone’s skin is different, everyone’s hair growth is different, what works for one might not work for someone else.

I know many people who have had a great experience with professional laser hair removal and it worked great for them! For me, the at home device worked better and it’s so, so, so much cheaper! 

But do what works best for you and your budget! I hope this helps you if you’re thinking about getting laser hair removal! And don’t forget to watch parts 1 & 2 if you haven’t already!

If you have any questions or want to share your experience with laser hair removal, leave a comment! 💕

.
.
.
.
.
#laserhairremoval #laserhairremovaltreatment #laserhair #ipllaser #ipllasertreatment #ipllaserhairremoval #athomelaserhairremoval #athomelasertreatment #laserhairremovalathome #brauniplsilkexpert #braunipl #ipllaserhairremovalmachine #laserhairremovalmachine #hairremovallaser #hairremover #hairremovaltreatment #hairremovalmachine
Laser Hair Removal Part 2! I absolutely LOVE the Laser Hair Removal Part 2!

I absolutely LOVE the @braun_global IPL device. It has so much power and feels extremely similar to the professional device in the dermatologist’s office!

I’ve had great results with the Brain IPL device!!!

.
.
.
.
.
#braunipl #iplathome #laserhairremoval #laserhairremovaltreatment #laserhairremovalathome #diylaserhairremoval #laserhairremovalmachine #laserhairremovalvideos #permanenthairremoval #ipllaser #ipllaserhairremoval #ipllasertreatment
Part 1/3 of my IPL laser hair removal experience! Part 1/3 of my IPL laser hair removal experience!

I got professional IPL laser hair removal from a cosmetic dermatologist and I purchased the Braun at home IPL device.

I decided to do laser hair removal because I hate being stubbly 1 day after shaving…it’s uncomfortable, time consuming, terrible for the environment, and doesn’t look the best. 

Laser hair removal has been a game changer! 

If you have any questions about laser hair removal, leave them in the comments! 

.
.
.
.
.

#iplexperience #laserhairremovalexperience #laserhairremovaltreatment #laserhairremoval #athomelaserhairremoval #athomeipl #braun #braunlaser #braunipl #laserhairremovalstory #professionallaserhairremoval
Follow on Instagram
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Disclaimer/Disclosure

Copyright © 2023 ·